I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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