I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
even my farts smell like vagina
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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