Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
