i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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