grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
