I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
