did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
