I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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