Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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