I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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