I just threw up on my dentist
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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