I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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