On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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