It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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