i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
