I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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