Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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