so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
