whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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