I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize