dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
