some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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