its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Randomize
