I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
