party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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