rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
