I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
