You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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