Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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