i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
