Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize