You work out of a Hotel?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
