All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
