Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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