Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
