All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
