Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
