First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
