when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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