dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
