We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
