i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
