If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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