After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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