Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
