Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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