I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
