You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
