If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
