I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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