just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
