So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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