booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
