So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
