so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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