how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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