She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
