I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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