anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
