Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
