Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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