Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
