stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
