So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
