This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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