He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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