did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
