Say something about gay babies.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
