Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i think i just lost a toe
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
