He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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