She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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