it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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