i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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