I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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