i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
