Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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