I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
